Friday, July 11, 2014
"The more I find myself, the more people I lose..."
That quote speaks volumes. It is so ironic because I just had a convo about the same very topic not too long ago with my brother. I believe the ultimate purpose of losing people is to find yourself. The losses are for you, for your gain. Learning to stand alone is hard...no friends, no family, no significant other or mate, it can be extremely difficult...seriously, I know this all too well....but it is the essential essence of self examination and discovery. And honestly, the only way you will truly learn who you are. I have lost people I sincerely valued and earnestly loved because I chose to live beyond the box, I mean waaaaaaaay off the grid. I have cried over dead end relationships until I couldn't cry anymore. I have mourned broken friendships like someone had died. And I won't begin to explain my emotional condescension for not being listed on a few wedding, bridal and baby shower guests lists because I was apparently no longer "around". And that's perfectly ok. Cry over the spilled relational milk, have an international anger fest, wipe up the mess and go back to skipping to the beat of your own drum. What I had to recognize is my purpose and plan is written in a different font and color, so I don't match with basic formatting. And i'm not just talking about myself, I like to believe that our purpose and plans are all written in different fonts and colors, because that is the beauty of humanity and the creator who so eloquently created us. Through it all, I am blessed to have been courageous enough to keep going. I am blessed to have been courageous enough to venture to all the places I've ever wanted to live and be, like I have. Alone. I never would have gotten to know, LOVE and continue to learn who Crystal Dion really is being 1/2 of a pair or staying and residing in a residential or relational space that's only comfortable for others and not myself. And finally... one day, all by myself, I made the grown woman decision to refuse to let those who have fallen by the wayside take away the grandeur of my elevation toward my God inspired purpose, favor and success. What's fearful to some is air to others. I'm going to say that again..."What is fearful to some, is air to others." If you look closely, i'm sure you will find that you may have adapted to fears that aren't even yours, which is why you are smothering. Because you cannot breathe. Their air is not your air, and their fear is not your fear. Comprehend that now. Change is good and it has always looked good on me. And it will look good on you if you allow it to. Embrace the characteristics of your change...love, live, breathe your change...remain for no one. Your life, the persona God has blessed you with is dependent on it. Because after you have found yourself, the next chapter in life is discovering who God created you to be. And honey, let me tell you, that is the season you have been waiting for all along. Let the lost go and be found.